The Boomerang

graphic illustration of two boomerangs

I recently passed the one-year anniversary of my diagnosis, and the experience of the last year has been nothing short of remarkable. The initial honeymoon months of experiencing clarity for the first time was thrilling. I was no longer herding fireflies, random thoughts and whims in no particular order, I now had control of a single beam of light. Focus was attainable, pausing before speaking was possible. So much was different and empowering. At least for awhile.

A few months in, and as I continued my research into ADHD, some new thoughts started to creep in. “So this is why things were hard.” “This explains why that scenario went terribly wrong.” “Oh, that one too.” “This is why I came across as harsh or inflexible.” “I understand now why I was misunderstood.” And so many more, which eventually lead to “Oh, maybe I am not supposed to try to do hard things.” A sense of unease, self-consciousness, and discouragement began to set in.

I asked my daughter Paige if she experienced this same phenomenon post-diagnosis. Yes. In fact she rattled off some common thoughts and experiences that people diagnosed as adults often have. “Yeah, you can get to the point where it’s like ‘why try?’ and for some it can be an excuse to just give up on bigger dreams and goals, even when medicated and doing better.” The realization of our very real difficulties, whereas before they were just thought of as obstacles to overcome just like they would be for a neurotypical person, can be overwhelming, no matter how enthusiastic we may be about our new outlook on life.

I began to think of this experience as The Boomerang. I was flying free and easy those first few months after my diagnosis, exploring my new outlook, piecing details of my diagnosis together and looking forward to a more productive path. As I learned more, it was often painful to reflect on past experiences, in childhood and adulthood, and now be able to recognize what was happening due to my undiagnosed ADHD. Plus, I was “getting used to” my new perspective, and my honeymoon period was waning. The weight of it all brought me down for awhile.

Working on the final draft of my book was a much-needed guide to address my discouragement and I began to take my own advice. First of all, I was an ADHD adult writing a first book. That is incredible! I was making slow but sure progress and not giving up when it got hard. I gave myself the gift of patience and compassion. I took breaks when I needed to and returned when I was ready. By staying focused on moving a project forward, even a little at a time, I was able to build back up my confidence that was dinged up by the realization of the very real challenges to my diagnosis. I am happy to say that I’m now back on the upswing and ready to take on more.

We will all be different in our diagnoses, our symptoms, and our solutions to keep moving forward. But remember, it’s okay if you slip back into old thinking or are flummoxed by your new thinking. The road to happiness is a winding one. And there may be a few more boomerangs in the future but as we change where we are starting from, the return won’t be so far away. Keep moving forward. - SK